5 Signs You're Masking (And How Health Coaching Can Help)
For years, I thought my constant exhaustion was just depression. I thought my inability to keep up with everyone else meant I wasn't trying hard enough. I thought the person I showed the world was who I really was…just a slightly worse version that needed more discipline.
Turns out, I was masking. Hard.
Masking is when you hide or suppress your natural neurodivergent traits to fit in with neurotypical expectations. And if you're reading this, there's a good chance you're doing it too - especially when it comes to health and wellness.
Here are five signs that masking might be running (and ruining) your approach to health.
1. You Can Perform Perfectly... Until You Crash
What it looks like: You start a new diet or workout routine with incredible intensity. You meal prep like a champion, hit the gym six days a week, track every calorie. Everyone's impressed by your dedication. You feel like you're finally "doing it right."
Then suddenly - boom. You can't get out of bed for a week. The thought of going to the gym makes you want to cry. All the meal prep containers sit untouched in your fridge until they go bad.
Why this is masking: You're performing health in a way that looks "right" to the outside world, but it's completely unsustainable for your nervous system. You're masking your actual capacity and needs to meet external expectations of what "healthy" looks like.
The intense performance requires so much energy that you inevitably crash. And then you blame yourself for "failing" when really you were just trying to be someone you're not.
What you actually need: Health approaches that assume flexibility from the start. Routines that work with your variable energy levels, not against them. Permission to do less than "perfect" without feeling like a failure.
2. You Override Your Body's Signals to Follow "The Rules"
What it looks like: You're not hungry, but it's lunchtime, so you eat. You're exhausted, but the workout schedule says it's leg day, so you go. Food tastes weird or textures feel wrong, but you force yourself to eat it anyway because it's "healthy." Your body is screaming for rest, but you push through because rest days are only on the schedule twice a week.
Why this is masking: You've learned to ignore your internal signals (interoception) in favor of external rules. This often happens because neurodivergent people get told from a young age that our natural signals are "wrong" - we're too hungry, not hungry enough, too sensitive, not trying hard enough.
So we learn to mask our body's actual experience and follow what we're "supposed" to do instead.
What you actually need: Support in reconnecting with your body's signals. Practice distinguishing between what your body actually needs versus what you think you "should" do. This is exactly what Intuitive Eating and somatic work help with - rebuilding trust in your own experience.
3. You're More Exhausted After "Self-Care" Than Before
What it looks like: You try to practice self-care like everyone says you should. You take a bath (even though you hate sitting still). You do yoga (even though the slow pace makes you want to crawl out of your skin). You meal prep a week's worth of "healthy" food (even though the executive function demand leaves you depleted).
Afterwards, you're somehow MORE tired and stressed than before you started.
Why this is masking: You're doing what you think self-care is "supposed" to look like based on neurotypical advice, rather than what actually feels restorative to YOUR nervous system.
Real self-care for neurodivergent brains might look completely different: stimming, moving intensely, eating the same safe food three days in a row, or having zero plans so you can actually unmask.
What you actually need: Permission to figure out what actually feels good and restorative to YOU, even if it doesn't look like the self-care content on Instagram. Health coaching for neurodivergent adults helps you identify what truly serves your nervous system.
4. You Can "Be Good" Around Others, But "Fall Apart" When Alone
What it looks like: At work or with friends, you eat the salad, turn down the dessert, and talk about your workout routine. You perform health perfectly in front of others.
But when you're alone? You eat standing at the counter at 11 PM, skip workouts for weeks, or binge on all the foods you restricted around other people.
Why this is masking: You're managing other people's perceptions of you rather than actually taking care of yourself. The performance of health for others is masking; what you do when alone is closer to your actual experience.
This pattern often leads to intense shame; you feel like you're "lying" or being "fake." But really, you're just exhausted from performing all day and trying to meet your actual needs in the only private moments you have.
What you actually need: Space to explore what you actually want versus what you think you should want. Support in reducing shame around your private behaviors. Help building approaches that work whether someone's watching or not.
5. You Feel Like a Failure Because You "Can't Do What Everyone Else Does"
What it looks like: Everyone else seems to meal prep just fine - why can't you? Other people maintain consistent gym routines - what's wrong with you? Your friends can eat intuitively and stay healthy - why do you always "mess it up"?
You genuinely believe you're failing at something that should be easy.
Why this is masking: You're comparing your neurodivergent experience to neurotypical standards and blaming yourself for not measuring up. This IS masking. You're trying to perform neurotypical health behaviors and feeling like a failure when your brain literally works differently.
The exhaustion you feel isn't from lack of discipline. It's from constantly trying to be someone you're not.
What you actually need: Validation that your brain genuinely works differently and that's not a flaw. Approaches specifically designed for how ADHD and Autistic brains function. Support in building practices that fit YOU, not forcing yourself into someone else's mold.
The Cost of Masking in Your Health Journey
When you mask in your approach to health, here's what happens:
Burnout cycles - Brief periods of intense "success" followed by crashes
Disconnection from your body - You stop trusting your own signals
Shame spirals - Every "failure" reinforces that something's wrong with you
Unsustainable habits - Nothing sticks because it's not actually designed for your brain
Eating disorder risk - The restriction, rules, and disconnection can push you into disordered territory
And the worst part? You blame yourself. You think you just need more willpower, more discipline, more motivation. But that's not it at all.
What Unmasking in Health Looks Like
Unmasking your approach to health means:
Honoring when your executive function is struggling instead of forcing yourself through anyway
Choosing foods and movement based on what feels good in YOUR body, not what's "supposed" to be healthy
Building in flexibility from the start instead of treating deviation as failure
Listening to your actual energy levels instead of pushing through exhaustion
Letting go of performing health for others and focusing on what actually serves you
Giving yourself permission to do things differently than neurotypical approaches suggest
How Health Coaching Supports Unmasking
As a health coach who specializes in working with neurodivergent adults, a huge part of what I do is helping clients unmask their approach to health and wellness.
We work on:
Identifying where you're performing versus where you're actually taking care of yourself
Rebuilding connection with your body through somatic practices - learning to trust your signals again after years of being told they're wrong
Addressing the parts of you that are scared of being your authentic self, that worry you won't be lovable if you're not performing
Creating individualized approaches that work with your brain's actual wiring, not against it
Healing the shame that comes from years of feeling like you're failing at something that "should be easy"
Building sustainable practices that assume your capacity will vary (and that's okay)
You're Not Failing - You're Just Using the Wrong Map
If you've been struggling with health and wellness, I want you to know: you're not lazy, undisciplined, or broken. You've been trying to navigate with a map designed for a completely different terrain.
Masking might have helped you survive in a neurotypical world, but it's not a sustainable way to approach your health. When you stop trying to be someone you're not and start building practices that fit who you actually are, everything changes.
Frequently Asked Questions About Masking and Health
Is masking always bad? Not necessarily. Sometimes masking is a conscious choice we make for safety or professional reasons. The problem is when masking becomes so automatic that we lose touch with our authentic selves and needs.
How do I know if I'm masking or just being healthy? Ask yourself: Does this feel sustainable? Am I honoring my actual needs or performing for others? Do I feel more connected to or disconnected from my body? Can I maintain this when no one's watching? Masking in health usually involves forcing yourself to do things that deplete rather than support you.
Can you unmask and still have health goals? Absolutely! Unmasking doesn't mean giving up on health. It means approaching health in ways that work WITH your neurodivergent brain rather than trying to force yourself into neurotypical methods. You can absolutely have goals. We just work on making sure they’re YOUR goals, pursued in ways that actually fit you.
What if I don't know who I am without the mask? This is incredibly common and honestly one of the most important things we work on in health coaching. Using somatic practices and parts work, we can help you reconnect with your body, your true self and what you actually need (which might be separate from what you think you "should" want).
Will my family/friends understand if I stop masking? Some will, some won't. But here's the thing: continuing to mask to make others comfortable comes at the cost of your own wellbeing. Part of the work is learning to advocate for your needs and set boundaries, even when others don't immediately understand.
Ready to Stop Performing and Start Living?
If you're exhausted from masking your way through health and wellness, I see you. I've been there. And I can tell you from both personal and professional experience: there is another way.
You don't need to fix yourself or try harder. You need support that actually understands how your brain works - and helps you build health practices that honor your authentic self, not the version you've been performing.
Let's figure out what health looks like when you stop masking. Book a free consultation call and let's talk about what unmasking your approach to wellness could look like for you.